In the dusk of the morning I slip out of bed. The floor is cool, for the day has not warmed it yet. The wood floors creak as I move quietly out of the room, a moment to myself before the house becomes clustered with “to do’s”, with toys from play, with the wails and giggles of my children. And then there’s my thoughts; they build up and accumulate as the sun rises. You see, this season of our life is not an easy place. Unlike feeling rooted, I am feeling unrooted, misplaced. I so often wonder, “Am I alone?”
The moment I wake I can feel the pile of emotions building up in my mind, then I stop. For if I build this mountain of unknown and “what if’s” I will slip, I won’t continue to have faith, to see the good, to persevere.
My mind is like a skipping record continuing to tell me, “This is just a season… this too shall pass”. We as mothers persevere, we endure. Why? Because we must. We must push, must try to succeed. For who? Our children. As l see my mind taking off too soon to catch, I ease myself into a chair with a warm “cuppa” tea, and I make myself grounded, present. Past the emotions, past the fear. I feel the warmth of the cup warming my hands and as the steam tickles my nose, my mind begins to wander in thought…
What is it about the unsettled? The unknown? The desperate feeling to rid yourself of an emotion that does not settle well? It can make you feel crazed, and your mind begins to spin. You feel a sense of wild come over you. Be it your life is unknown of where you’ll end up, your income is unsteady, maybe a cloud of dark has invited itself to accompany your days, or you feel the nagging of loneliness that comes with motherhood. The list goes on and on of worry and strife. It places a void, a panic and with it's seed being planted it can make an unrelenting ache of worry, and if we aren't careful, it’ll root.
BUT, this is a season. This too shall pass, right?
I breathe. I see. I know with this season I must have faith. To persevere, we must have faith, we must look forward. Reminisce of past hardships; see the strength you derived from them and remember the endurance sought in those moments. Motherhood is just that: to persevere, to show our children that we continue when it’s hard. We grow, we thrive, we wipe the tears and bring smiles even when it’s hard. Allow them to see the good in the hard, the smiles with the ache.
As my mind works through the motions, the unsteadiness of things in life, I hear the pit pat of feet in the background. My “cuppa” tea almost gone, the room lit from the morning's rays of sunlight, the day has begun. I look to this little mess of hair, this small fragile body toddling toward me to find comfort in my lap. I embrace the warmness that comes with the briskness of morning, I embrace my daughter as she looks up to me, and she smiles past her paci in a way of sorts saying “Hello Mama, good morning”.
Remember to embrace just this. During the hard embrace those you love. Realize faith is sitting in the warmth of embrace. Have confidence, trust in yourself, trust in your children, trust in your person!
Yes, you will have those moments of “I can’t take it anymore”. But you can. Know you’re strong, you’re needed, you’re loved, and that is enough. Allow this season to come and pass, and remember: “You cannot be tempted (pushed) beyond what you can bear” as my favorite scripture always reminds me. There will be a way, you will make it.
We, as mothers are strong! Cradle your babe to sleep, recharge in their being. Even in the hard do these things with your children, be present, because they’ll make you realize that everything is going to be ok, it’s gonna be alright. For our children are our light, our everything. And with them, all will be just as it needs to be in time.
Journalist: Michelle Findley